What do you mean, I’m submissive?

So, one of the things that I have always struggled with and never quite knew how to process is this whole dominant verses submissive thing.

My whole life, I’ve been physically very strong. I have an extremely dominant type of personality, not overly aggressive, but I’m not shy. I’m loud. I love to be with people. I love to be in front of people, I love to lead.

Coupled with a large physical presence as a football player and a wrestler, with a large barrel chest & big shoulders. The thought of being submissive or being a sub was so scary to me because all I associated it with was weakness or being less than. Which is compounded by the fact that I kinda have a fear of being weaker or less than, and then throw in sexuality, and the whole idea of being submissive just threatens my entire notion of masculinity and male sexuality.

But the interesting part is, I’ve always been drawn to strong, powerful women. My natural inclination is always to be of service. My motivation a lot of times is to support other people and have other people achieve their own greatness. And in most sexual encounters I like the woman to be more aggressive than I am, so a lot of contradictions and a lot of paradoxes are going on in my mind.

And then I found out about, contacted, and started working with Domina Siren. 

Obviously, at first, it was a physical attraction, especially when she would be outfitted in a very traditional female Domme look, corset, garter belt, stockings, hyper-feminine long hair, and makeup.

But there was something else, not physical, that drew me to her presence. And being in service to her.

And as I learned more about a D/s dynamic, I started to see that there could be a freedom and an ease in letting go of the control that something was calming and nurturing about the submission and for the first time, I didn’t see submission as weakness, but a kind of release and letting go of stuff I could also start to see that even though I was the sub I could still set the boundaries, which is huge in my life, cause I’m really bad with boundaries, especially on my own terms once and needs.

I could also see that submitting didn’t make me weaker. It didn’t make me less than, and that maybe there was some actual power in that.

It can be hard sometimes, I’ve got a whole lifetime of rules, beliefs, and actions centered in the traditional male leader, power, stereotype.

It’s still part of a journey, but I trust Domina with my power and my heart ♥️ to do what’s right for me. 

So this old barrel-chested bulldog is actually learning a few tricks.